Strange enough I have no idea as how and where to begin with. Is my childhood worth telling (would anybody be interested anyway?)? Should I begin with the present? Or, should I just simply "hantam"?
Actually, simply hantam is much easier and fun, yes?
I came from a small family, born and bred in southern part of West Malaysia. I am the last of 3 siblings of 1 brother and 1 sister. Spoilt brat? Yeah, maybe I was with the female family members. I'd love to think that I had a pretty normal childhood, although not as perfect as I had hoped for. My mother was and is very loving. Too soft perhaps. On the other hand, my father was really strict and cold, sometimes mean, towards us most of the time; so there were actually a vacuum between us all. In fact, what I am now I believe is what has been moulded since the very first day I saw him violently beating up my mother (and subsequently us the children).
As I grew up, I witnessed unhappiness spreading like cancer in our house. I'm now convinced that it was by intention that after primary school, one by one we were 'sent out' of the house - first, my brother to a famous boarding school in the capital; followed by my sister to a religious boarding school near our house; and then of course yours sincerely. I was 'thrown' out in a northern boarding school. Looking back, it was a blessing in disguise for us the children; surrounded by friends without worries of what is taking place at home. For them, however, the cracks seemed to get even worst.
Nevertheless, we managed to get through the odds. I got myself a good result. By that time, I saw that things were slowly changed to something better. My father seemed to be more relaxed to us, and I felt that particularly my relationship with him slightly improved. I had my own interest and vision of what I wanted to do next and be what I wanted to be. But he had a totally different idea for me. In a desperate attempt to please him, I agreed to follow the path he had arranged for me. That was the beginning of my own downfall.
No, I'm not blaming him. But that was the situation then.
The end of 90's were quite challenging everywhere in the world. There were financial and political crises in the country, in which directly I was affected. I couldn't further my study oversea, was stranded for 6 months having no idea of where I would be placed, and the 2 years of study and preparation went down to the drain with no credentials whatsoever. Spirit and pride broken. But I rose back, kept my spirit in check and succeeded 3 years later. What I gained was however, 'asalkan ada...' - not the sorts that I would be proud of, and not what I had wanted all along.
To be continued....
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