This is me (i)

Strange enough I have no idea as how and where to begin with. Is my childhood worth telling (would anybody be interested anyway?)? Should I begin with the present? Or, should I just simply "hantam"?

Actually, simply hantam is much easier and fun, yes?

I came from a small family, born and bred in southern part of West Malaysia. I am the last of 3 siblings of 1 brother and 1 sister. Spoilt brat? Yeah, maybe I was with the female family members. I'd love to think that I had a pretty normal childhood, although not as perfect as I had hoped for. My mother was and is very loving. Too soft perhaps. On the other hand, my father was really strict and cold, sometimes mean, towards us most of the time; so there were actually a vacuum between us all. In fact, what I am now I believe is what has been moulded since the very first day I saw him violently beating up my mother (and subsequently us the children).

As I grew up, I witnessed unhappiness spreading like cancer in our house. I'm now convinced that it was by intention that after primary school, one by one we were 'sent out' of the house - first, my brother to a famous boarding school in the capital; followed by my sister to a religious boarding school near our house; and then of course yours sincerely. I was 'thrown' out in a northern boarding school. Looking back, it was a blessing in disguise for us the children; surrounded by friends without worries of what is taking place at home. For them, however, the cracks seemed to get even worst.

Nevertheless, we managed to get through the odds. I got myself a good result. By that time, I saw that things were slowly changed to something better. My father seemed to be more relaxed to us, and I felt that particularly my relationship with him slightly improved. I had my own interest and vision of what I wanted to do next and be what I wanted to be. But he had a totally different idea for me. In a desperate attempt to please him, I agreed to follow the path he had arranged for me. That was the beginning of my own downfall.

No, I'm not blaming him. But that was the situation then.

The end of 90's were quite challenging everywhere in the world. There were financial and political crises in the country, in which directly I was affected. I couldn't further my study oversea, was stranded for 6 months having no idea of where I would be placed, and the 2 years of study and preparation went down to the drain with no credentials whatsoever. Spirit and pride broken. But I rose back, kept my spirit in check and succeeded 3 years later. What I gained was however, 'asalkan ada...' - not the sorts that I would be proud of, and not what I had wanted all along.

To be continued....

Awwalun kalam...an introduction

Honestly, this isn't my first time blogging. I have an already existing one indeed, which was initiated back in 2005/6; of my rather boring ramblings on daily life, job, relationships, interests, experiences, views and whatnot. Sadly though, for some reasons (of which eventually will be known to you much later - should there be readers of course), I unintentionally abandoned it and got myself mostly overwhelmed with various kind of illusions that the world of darkness had offer. And by which today landed me into this new circumstances.

 If I could example Pu Yi, this new phase of writing is to/could be considered as my very own version of From Emperor To Citizen.

Q: But why going through the troubles writing a new page?
A: Perhaps that was the past chapters that I would desperately want to let go and leave behind. Perhaps with my new "awarded title" today, this new chapter remarks my new journey of meaningful life, embarking on new possibilities alongside unforeseen future that lies ahead (albeit negatively as I might appeared/sounded; believe me I am not. As a fact matter, I couldn't be more positive than I am now. It's my style of composing had since forever been like this - which I hope will not be boring, really). 

"Awarded title?" you may wonder. You see, one of my favourite local scene actors is none other than Fauziah Dato' Ahmad Daud, AMN. So let it be known to you my dear readers, that I am Ajem Ajeham, PLWHA/ODHA. Pleased to meet you all.

So, there you go. I guess by now you would understand or at least have a little bit of ideas why I am putting this forward whilst abandoning the past behind, no? Nevertheless, I must admit that it would be unfair to my readers, if I right away present my life story so far without a comprehension as to how I have come to this juncture. It's best, maybe, if I segregate it into afterwards postings as and when time and mind (read: selective memories) permit. Plus, having this processed via constantly idle tablet is really a pain in the ass as far as my patience concern. Afterall, let's just be honest - who would want to read a long crap from a total stranger? I won't!

Having said all above, guess that's an end on the inaugural post of my new chapter for now. I shall shortly retreat to a good night sleep before the meds I've just taken work their effects (will share on that note in the near future, insya Allah). Till then, I hope you enjoy reading, as much as I enjoy writing!